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| Morgan is the much better maker ^._.^ ^_^ | | |
| Today my mother happened to bring up that I always blame someone for everything. I kind of understand that. Which sort of adds to the reasons I just can't stand myself as of late. I don't know if I'm so much looking to blame people as I'm looking to find reasons to explain why I could be so incompetant. Maybe it is blaming someone else. Because I know if it's my fault, I'll find it unforgivable. The problem is, I don't know how to deal with it solely being my fault. I want a reason it went wrong, some reason that explains how I could be so truly incompetant. The reality is, though, that it's my fault. It's all my fault. And I don't know how to ammend something that's my fault, and I'll forgive anyone in the world, but when I'm the one that's done something wrong, I've become an immense burden to everyone else. I feel that I'm always a burden. I ask too much, I give too little. I annoy my friends, I've made others cry. I try to make things better, I make them worse. And it's my fault again. I complain too much, I lack any talent with which I could do something nice for them with. A gift of song if one that's fleeting, and while I'm fairly proficient, I'm no marvel. My art is becoming more and more a disappointment, and all those I'd wish to give such a thing are marvelous artists to whom it would be hardly a gift. My presence is often an annoyance, loud and childish, always complaining or acting without thought, so it's still no remedy to problems I cause. I have nothing I feel I can give to the people I hold dear, and I spur more looks of irritation than smiles. In short, I really don't know what to do. It's like I'm years behind in maturity, and it only causes problems. It's always attributed to my ADHD, but I think at this point it's simply my own personal faults. The thing is, I want to ask help with these things, but in the end it's just another burden and another complaint no one wants to hear. So I thought I'd write about it. I figure it's better than nothing, and I don't know why. I feel like I don't know anything anymore. I've always admired those people, real or otherwise, who could do good for people without thought. I've always wanted to be someone like that, those people that can affect peoples hearts for the better witrhout even realizing it. But I'm not that kind, I'm not so selfless as I wish I was, and I'm always relying on others with nothing in return. I ask too much, and feel awful for it, yet I still ask. And I give nothing, though I try, but it always comes up to nothing. And I just wish I could be better than what I am, because I can hardly stand being in this skin when the only thing I attribute to those around me is to be troublesome. And it's nothing to do with ADHD, there's no other reason or blame on which it can be placed, it's my fault, and it's that simple. It's more evident than ever before, I'm nothing but a troublesome child who stopped growing at ten. I gain moree knowledge, and say I've grown, but really I'm the same as I was 5 years ago, and though my appearance and heigth have change, I haven't grown at all. All I want is to be helpful. I want to be a kind and giving person, but I'm really selfish and benighted by my idiocy. So at this point, I just want to know what I can do to really have something to give to those precious people around me who have given me so much, but I just don't know what. | | |
| I haven't Updated in a while, so I was reading this quizzy thingy on Cera's site and though" Hey, there's an easy wqay yto get into updating this thing again" and shall hence put it up here, nyao! ^_^
| 1. black or white? 2. pink or light blue? 3. yellow or orange? 4. green or teal ? 5. ruby red or orange red? 6. purple or orange? 7. navy blue or black? 8. hot pink or light pink ? 9. gray or beige? 10. yellow green or turquoise? 11. water or soda? 12. coke or pepsi? 13. cream soda or sprite? 14. sprite or 7 up? 15. ice tea or hot tea? 16. bottled water or tap water? 17. lemonade or orange juice? 18. apple juice or fruit punch? 19. strawberry smoothie or banana smoothie? 20. energy drink or vodka? 21. french fries or curly fries? 22. steak or chicken? 23. pasta or rice? 24. chicken sandwich or bacon burger? 25. cheeseburger or hamburger? 26. mashed potatoes or french fries? 27. apples or grapes? 28. lemon or lime? 29. watermelon or pomegranite? 30. carrots or celery? 31. plane or train? 32. car or truck? 33. classic limo or hummer stretch limo? 34. private jet or helicopter? 35. highway or back streets? 36. speed boat or conoe? 37. soap box or bike? 38. scooter or skateboard? 39. mini van or golf cart? 40. taxi or private driver? 41. california or florida? 42. paris or london? 43. france or england? 44. new york or hollywood? 45. cape cod or myrtle beach? Nya? o.o; 46. disneyland or disneyworld? 47. kansas or arizona? 48. vietnam or japan? 49. spain or portugal? 50. italy or france? 51. angelina jolie or paris hilton? 52. rock or rap? 53. gemma ward or adriana lima? what? 54. the suite life of zack & cody or that's so raven? 55. one tree hill or the oc? ??? 56. ipod or digital camera? 57. laptop or camcorder? 58. cell phone or house phone? 59. myspace or xanga? 60. cheerleading or gymnastics? 61. soccer or basketball? 62. baseball or softball? 63. swimming or track? 64. volleyball or tennis? 65. football or hockey? 66. algebra or geometery? 67. english or shop class? 68. u.s. history or world history? 69. chemistry or biology? 70. jeans or shorts? 71. silver or gold? 72. music or gym? 73. bracelets or necklaces? 74. earrings or rings? 75. oversized sunglasses or beads? 76. diamonds or flowers? 77. ribbons or headscarfs? 78. trends or originality? 79. hoop earrings or drop earrings? 80. eyeliner or eyeshadow? 81. flats or flip flops? 82. sneakers or clogs? 83. sweet or bitchy? 84. three wishes or complete happiness? | | |
NEXT CERA QUIZZER THING What's it gonna be o.o? | Tired of all those surveys where you list favorite this, favorite that...? Well now you get to list off everything you hate and vent about everything that annoys you or makes you mad. Just let it all out and say as much as you want!
HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO RANT !!!
YOUR MOST HATED...
CANDY:
.... Gum. And suckers. And other things like that that are gummy or weird and messy and make me twitch the see people eating because it turns my stomach. I'll stick to chocalate and the such. ::hides under blanket::
BEVERAGE:
Coffee. Blergh.
COLOR:
Greenish Yellows and Corally Pinks
MOVIE:
Eragon the movie! Die! Die! Kiiill it! ;_____;'
ASPECT OF MYSPACE:
Um, I don't know. I'm not a myspace person o.o
ANIMAL:
Hrm. Good question. I know not.
INSECT:
Fly.
BIRD:
o.o I like birds. They don't really annoy me. Maybe a seagull? But they're okay.
SEASON:
Um, winter I'd think. I like the snow, but it's so very cold.
AGE OF KIDS:
Um, I'd say 6th garde through middle school years. It's the age of ignorance. Yet they think they know everything... ^_^;;;
DRIVING:
I don't drive o.o
TALKING ON THE PHONE:
Nothing really. 'Cept maybe when someone calls me freaking out and I have to talk them out of suicide for the 4th time that week. But that doesn't happen anymore thankfully ^_^
WATCHING TV OR MOVIES:
Interuptions? Oh! Oh! I kknooow! When there's a cliffhanger and you can't get at the next episode!
EATING IN RESTAURANTS:
I like eating in restaurants o.o
GOING THROUGH DRIVE-THRUS:
Trying to make a decision when you can't read the menu because you forgot your glasses and feeling like you're making the person working wait @_@
SLEEPING:
When I can't fall asleep for hours and I'm really tired.
SHOWERING:
o.o
YOU'RE AT THE BEACH:
When it's too cold and your only chance to go.
YOU'RE AT THE GROCERY STORE:
Umm... huh. Not being able to find something?
YOU'RE ON A DATE:
I've never been on a date ^._.^;
WHAT HOUSEHOLD CHORE DO YOU HATE THE MOST:
Mopping the kitchen floor, but it's not so bad. WHAT WOULD BE THE ABSOLUTE WORST WAY TO DIE?
I'm not sure... something painful. WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING HABIT IN OTHERS?
Having no hope. If they're depressed, okay. If they complain, okay. But when someone sits there, having an alright life, and starts digging they're own grave... When someone does nothing to improve their situation and they're the sole reason why their life isn't better, that gets to me. If all they sit there and expect me to make it better, talk them out of sad feelings they've invented around themselves without point or reason, and don't even try to feel better themselves, then become angry or brush it off as nothing whenever I'm upset and want to talk, or use that to turn around and tell me my problems are nothing because their self-engineered sorrows are so far greater than mine and when I was already having a bad day I need to apologize for saying something wrong, putting them in a bad mood when talking to them is like trying to walk on broken glass, and then talk them out of doing something drastic. People who give up. WHAT IS YOUR WORST HABIT?
Um. I have lots of bad habits. Interupting people maybe. And, not thinking maybe. MOST IRRITATING THING ABOUT YOUR CAR?
I don't have a car, but anytime a car doesn't heat up in the winter. Cooold..
TO BE COMPLETELY STEREOTYPICAL, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE MOST ANNOYING THING ABOUT GIRLS?
Stereotypically? Hissy fits and acting viciously towards one another.
TO BE COMPLETELY STEREOTYPICAL, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE MOST ANNOYING THING ABOUT GUYS?
Always finding just the right thing to say to be a complete and utter jerk. Stereotypically. There are lots of good guys too though.
WHAT'S ANNOYING YOU TODAY?
I'm not sure. Nothing. o.o WHAT ANNOYS YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING:
See "Most Annoying Habit" or what that things called. | Stereotypes & Labels+ General +
1. What is your opinion of labels? I don't understand them 2. Do you choose to label yourself? Umm... nooo o.o
3. What do others call you and how do you react? Um, last year I was asked a couple times if I was goth and was once told someone said they thought I was amish o.O My only reactions were confusion. I really don't even wear that much black o.o
4. What label would you NEVER conform to? Why would I conform to any? ^._.^;
5. Do you believe that labels are for sheep? Huh? o.o;;??? + Prep/Girly +
1. Are you a girly girl? Little bit. Okay, maybe. I don't know. Maybe 50/50. Yeah. >.>
2. Would you say you bitched a lot?Um, no. At least I hope I don't. I'd feel bad if I did o__o;
3. Gossiped? I don't think so. Maybe a little bit o.o
4. How popular are you, and for what reasons? Um, I don't know. I feel I have a lot of friends, but I wouldn't use the term "popular." What kind of reasons could be come up with for any answer of this anyhow? o.o
5. Do you go shopping often? Whenever I can. At Walden Books. Or Barnes and Nobles. Booooks. Weh. It's sad Walden's only hires 18 and up ;__;
6. Do you spend a lot of your parents money? Um, some. ^_^;
7. Do you wear short skirts? Yes. ^._.^; 8. Do you flick your hair? I don't think it do... huuh... o.o
9. Every time you pass a mirror, do you look into it? Maybe just a glance, nyao >.>
10. Do you enjoy most pop/mainstream music? It's okay. Most of my music is Japanese though o.o + Geek/Nerd +
1. Do you spend a lot of time by yourself? No. Not too much.
2. Do you thoroughly enjoy school and get good grades? I like school. I'd like it more if I could good grades. But I adore Renaissance.
3. Do you belong to any after school clubs? No.
4. Do you follow all rules? Yes... Yes, I do. ^_^
5. Do you spend a lot of time on your computer? Oh, very much soo.
6. Do you love video games? Yes. But I never find the time ;.;
7. Do you get beaten up by preps/popular idiots? I've never been beaten up o.o;;;
8. Is your IQ over 120? I don't recall. Took one online some years ago. I scored higher than my mom though X3
9. Are you bad at sports? Hai. Very bad.
where's # 10? Oh! It is gone! o.o! + Gothic +
1. Labels are for soup cans, right? Er, yes o.o 2. Do you have a strong belief in individuality? Yes ^_^ 3. Do you enjoy Gothic architecture (I.e. like churches, castles, graveyards etc)? Yes! Yes! Old world and elegant, with beautiful lines and intricate designs! It's beautiful ^___^
4. Do you like to read and watch horror? Horror is scary... >.>
5. Would you say you were a morbid person? People compare me to being about as harmful as a dustbunny =.=; I'm not morbid
6. Do you frown upon those girls who follow fashion religiously? Haven't met any really, but there's more to life than clothes, so I think I'd just be confused by them.
7. Do you feel happier when you do things your own way? A bit, so long as it's a good result it doesn't matter all too much 8. Do you like, or do you own any corsets? I wouldn't wear one myself, but I like them ^_^
9. Do you wear a lot of black, red, or purple? Nope. A fair amount of black, red every now and again, and some purple for renaissance sometimes but my wardrobe is all sorts of colors 10. Pale make up? Nope.
11. Do you have dark hair, and is it dyed? I have naturally dark hair. + Emo +
1. How would you describe your hair cut? Long hair(It's just about to my waist now, yaaay =3) and bangs brushed over the the right.
2. Do you wear low slung jeans with studded belts? No. I can't stand belts >.<; and low pants are annoying 3. Do you love bands like Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance and Taking back Sunday? I like a few songs 4. Do you wear a lot of black eyeliner? No
5. Do you believe that nobody understands you? Sometimes, but we all get that ocassionally. But I've always got me Morgan who seems to understand everything within the realms of my brain. Can't wait till she joins Renaissance(It'll happen sometime in these last few years)
6. Do you own pairs of converse? Nope
7. Do you write lyrics? Tried. I may try again. But that's because I want to be a singer.
8. Do you cry a lot? Nope o.o
9. Do you relish the idea of two emo boys kissing? Why would I? 10. Do you love those emo boys who look like girls? Not particularly o.o Nothing against them though + Metalheads +
1. Do you own or want to own a motorbike? Yes! Something like a Vespa, nyao ^_^ 2. Do you dig heavy metal? Usually not
3. Do you love to headbang? No
4. Do you smoke cigarettes or weed? No o.o;
5. Drink a lot of alcohol? None whatsoever
6. Go to a lot of gigs? No
7. Do you play guitar/bass or drums? Not in the least
8. Do you do drugs? Never
9. Do you want to be a groupie? Not really
10. Do you love guys with long hair? Not necessarily + Hippie/indie +
1. Do you have super long hair? Working on it
2. Do you wear a lot of bright colours and tie dye? Not really
3. What is your opinion on war? Sometimes it's unavoidable, but I'm not very opinionated on it. 4. Animal testing and hunting? Hunting for food is fine, and so long as it's not harmful to the animals and they're treated well, testing is alright
5. Are you a peace activist? No
6. Do you love nature and all animals? Yes
7. Do you listen to a lot of indie? I'm still trying to figure out what that is @_@;
8. Do you play acoustic guitar? No
9. Are you a strong believer in peace? Eh.. |
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| Hiya! There was, uh, font issues last time.. o.O Anyywhooo Hi. COMMON EXPERIENCE STARTS TOMORROW!~ Excitement. For anime class, half the class is doing a cosplay fashion show. o_o; I'm one of them ^_^; If anyone's familiar with D.Gray-Man and Chrno Crusade, I'm being Linali Li and Rosette Christopher. I am doubly an excosist o.o And I'm making Allison come up as Rabi with me, whether or not she's doing it for the grade(She chose to make a manga, finally she's doing a bit of Primary, nyeh! I need to make her upload it to FAC =3 ) So much babbling to do... I'm going to take Chinese next year. ^._.^ In Renaissance. And using faces, I'm reminded that I need to inform those like Nailo that ^._.^ is not ^_^ with nostrils, but ._. with cat ears. I like drawing, it is fun. I'm going to have to do an online full entry rant about the Eragon movie at some point. Um, I've run out of babble. Ah, vell. 
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| Hi, y'all. o_o I'm never saying that again. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Late, late, I know, I know. And I haven't drawn my Christmas Aeovis pic yet. Hгрю Иге Ш рфму вщту ьу Туц Нуфкэы вщщвдую ююю ЦРФЕ ЕРУ СКФЗ,! 0_0ж Шэддб грб иу иуфсл, Уруруруююю | | |
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